Find My Rants (Or other shite)

27 September 2010

Fuck You, Pimp My Ride

I know, I know, "Mick, why the hell are you watching this show?" Because there is nothing else on tv, bitch. That is the only goddamn reason anyone would watch this show. Well, that or they have some type of mental defect that draws them to retarded shows. You know, like people tune in to E!, Oxygen and ABC.

I wonder how half the cars they show could still be legally on the road. Some are missing lights, some are missing mirrors, some are missing FUCKING DOORS. DOORS. I'm pretty sure you can't ride around California without a goddamn door unless it's a Jeep. That state is so retarded it probably requires you to have three sets of lights (you know, backup in case primary goes out and backup for the backup), twelve seatbelts and airbags from every angle possible including one that protects your crotch from flying debris. The last item should be disabled as it would be better if most of the people in California weren't able to reproduce, but I'm getting off topic..

Why do all the useless bastards react the same to when they finally see the horrible results? Maybe it's in the contract with MTV that they have to jump around like little kids on crack, scream like they're being set on fire and do some type of acrobatic move such as rolling, flipping, cartwheeling or other equally gay moves. I'm guessing it's along the lines of "act stupid and overly surprised when you first see the piece of shit or we won't give it back to you." Every little dumbass detail they put in to the car gets a response of "oh my god, god, wow," or some stupid phrase from the 90's about how 'bomb' it is or some shit. Listen, fool, a little fucking wheel that moves is not a goddamn pottery wheel and it sure as hell isn't impressive. I did that as a kid with my goddamn Erector set. Big accomplishment, Diggity Dave.

While I'm on that emo fuck, who the hell uses diggity anymore? That shit is from 90's crap.Can someone please explain to me the attraction behind using three pounds of eyeliner when you're a male? You look like a fucking heshe that walks the corners. Pretty sure it takes more time for him to do his makeup and put his hair up in that fucking gay style than it did for the fools that did Mimi's shit from Drew Carey. I wish he'd accidentally cut too far down when he's doing his daily emo routine of sobbing in the dark and using a razor... that would be a good episode. "Well, Dave accidentally offed himself last night, so I guess we have no more gay idea.. oh, wait, the rest of you are still here."

Where do they come up with some of the ideas on this show? Also, why does it seem that every single car, truck, or boat (old cars, see 1980's Cadillac) ends up looking like some fucked up cholo vehicle? "We're going to put stupidly large rims on this neon! It'll be hawt!" A shitty paint job "yeah, we're going to put some purple over this candy green.. " (insert stupid skit about the Joker). "The suspension was all messed up so we replaced it with these airbags so you can adjust the height and bounce around like some rap video minus the half-naked women, bling and drugs." Some of the items that they put in the car are cool. It's always good to have a nice sound system with decent speakers and maybe a few screens but having a sub that's so loud it can cause permanent hearing loss in a second? You're fucking stupid, especially if you think it's a good idea to put a fucking HOT TUB in the back of a van near the sub and amps. Here's hoping one of you screwed up and the douchebag driving this rolling pile of shit will get electrocuted when he tries to show off his 'sweet ride'.

One thing I always ponder at the end is this: the car was a complete piece of shit, the fucktard could barely afford it or keep up on the maintenance and you expect them to do it to something with $30,000 worth of work into it? They can't even afford the goddamn insurance you dimwits! Plus half them live in ghetto areas so you know the second one of the people realize there is some hardware inside it's getting broken into. Good luck keeping that $5,000 audio system when you live in the hood, idiot.

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